108 Mandalas of Love

(A Twin Flame’s Journey)


~ The Music ~

No matter what I do or say, it doesn’t seem sufficient to express the gratitude I feel for this journey with my twin flame.  It has touched so many aspects of my being, healed so many ancient traumas and answered questions that I wasn’t even conscious I had.  I’ll share one story here about my experience with the piano.

When I was little, my oldest sister played the piano and she was very good at it.  She practiced 5 hours a day and took classes at the Julliard School of Music in NYC.  I used to love taking naps underneath the piano when she practiced.  Since then, I’ve always loved the sound of the piano.  My sister’s piano sound is one of the most pleasant memories I have of my childhood in New York.

When I was around 6 years old, my parents made me take piano lessons, but I didn’t have much talent for it, or so I was told by my teacher, so I quit.  Apparently, I would fall asleep while I was playing even during my lessons, so she took it as a lack of interest and lack of aptitude for playing the piano.  I remember not being able to practice very well because I would fall asleep. But, I only recently realized that I don’t actually remember my piano teacher telling me I had no talent.  It was a story my mom told often and I believed it.  I love my mom with all my heart and I’m truly grateful to her for everything.  I share this story not to say anything about my mom, but to demonstrate how the mind can work.  The thought “I don’t have the talent for playing the piano” had stayed in my memory for nearly 40 years.  It never occurred to me to question its validity.  I just accepted it as the truth.

About 20 years later, after my competitive figure skating career had ended, my love for the piano resurged and I decided I wanted to learn how to play the piano.  At the time, the most inexpensive way to learn was to take classes at a community college.  So, I dove in.  I went to my local JC in California and majored in music.  All I was interested in was learning to play the piano, but in the mean time, I took some music theory, music history, ear training, and I don’t remember what else, but whatever other classes that were required at the time.  I also began taking some private lessons on the side.

After about 2 ½ years, I found myself getting very frustrated because, as much as I loved all my instructors and I was learning a lot, I was beginning to hear music that I had no skills or the “talent” to bring to life.  My hands just couldn’t do what I was hearing or what I wanted.  I realized that it was too late for me to develop the skills needed to play what I wanted to play.  So I gave up.  I continued to play a little for leisure and pleasure, but without investing much time into it. 

Then, somewhere a long the way, I discovered improvising.  Just playing for fun, with no pressure, whatever comes out in the moment.  My mom loved when I did that and often told me I should record it.  I never did because it was too much pressure.  It somehow took away from the moment.  But again, as much as I love doing that, I felt frustration in not being able to play what I was feeling or hearing.  Naturally, I played less and less and life happened.  I moved out of my mom’s house where I no longer had a piano, I met my first girlfriend, I got busy coaching skating, etc… 

Over the years, while my mom still had my piano and had a house, I would play for fun whenever I went back.  But, I think it’s been almost 10 years since I’ve really played.

The point of this story is that a memory/thought, that may or may not have had some truth to it, kept me from truly enjoying something I absolutely love for almost 40 years.  But, this love that I’m experiencing is so powerful that it didn’t matter if I had the talent or not.  The love erupted out of my heart as music.  All I had to surrender to it and listen deeply.

I may still not have the “talent” for playing the piano, but I sure love it.  And now, if my heart feels like expressing itself through the piano, I will humbly and gratefully surrender to it.  These piano pieces that I’m sharing with you come out of pure love.  This time, with no frustrations.  Only love and gratitude.  They come from feeling love fully, listening to that love, and surrendering to it.  May these pieces be an inspiration to challenge even one belief you may have that is keeping you from pursuing what you love.

Somehow, in truly listening to the sound of love, it has lead my consciousness to the source of love.  That invisible, silent, omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent source of all creation, all existence, all that IS.

I can never thank my Beloved Twin Flame enough for being here on this planet right now, so that God could arrange for us to meet even for just 1hr.  That 1 hr was enough to spark a remembrance in my soul of a love that has no time or space, no beginning or end, has no form, and yet is powerful beyond all imagination and inspiring enough to shatter old beliefs.